Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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