Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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