I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
