if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
