butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
