hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
