the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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