After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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