You smell like a Billy Joel song
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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