grandma shit on top of the toilet
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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