I never want to see another naked old woman again.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
