So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I enjoy the company of your penis
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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