ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
