what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
