Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
