So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
