So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
