Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i barfeds in our rink
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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