Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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