awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
