Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
