there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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