Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
