i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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