No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
