trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize