I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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