Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
and she was petting her beer can
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
