dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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