Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He did a backflip because drugs
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