I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize