Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
