I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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