If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
