On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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