Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
