I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
