I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
