Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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