well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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