great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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