it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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