i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
