Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
