dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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