She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
