if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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