My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just tell him i said nine months
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
