You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
