I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
