...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
