I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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