I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
