Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Someone came in the potted fern
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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