So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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