Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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