Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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