in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
