Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Randomize
