She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
