have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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