i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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