Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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