so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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