somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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