so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
