cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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