sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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