So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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